Thursday, 16 September 2010

genetically disposed to distraction

so they have this bloody fundraising thing before my show
called sweet on the fringe
it involves some cheese
some rubber chickens
and the william tell overture
which is okish, not great but not terrible
except bloody yesterday its chris gibbs
funniest man in the fringe
and he goes on to conduct this fundraising cheese
and the first thing he says is
jem has asked me not to be funny
which could be described as the worst possible start for me
the audience all perk up when they see him cos
he's chris gibbs and
he's bloody funny and
probably the funniest bloke in the fringe and
they're getting a bit of him for nothing which is
except some arsehole
the performer they are about to endure
has apparently for miserable personal selfish reasons
demanded he not be funny
meaning they're opinion of me has somewhat
by the time i
even start
ta chris
like ta
and did not enjoy the show
i thought i'd missed out a paragraph early on
and, being rather busy,
i have no opportunity to think back and check
so i'm convinced i've screwed up
and the audience vibe is like i'm
screwing up
so i steadfastly battle joylessly to the
end of what
seemed a poor show
and feel pretty lousy as a result...
and then my mate grindl the clown shows up
and then another pair of trousers burst
meaning i have trashed all my pants
the sweat has rotted them all
how ghastly
but this morning i do
think through the show and realise i
didn't miss anything out
i simply persuaded myself i did
and couldn't check so i was basically
shooting myself in the foot
and it hurt
so i now upgrade show from poor to ok
nice morning stroll along to kitsilano
the yachts the water the clouds the mountains the bridge the greenery
before a stodgy moussaka and the
noontime daily snooze because i
wake so early after the
cats meow 4 buck beeryness
... grindl and tj and keir and evelyn and johnny tomorrow and jeremy and elison and john stewart and barry
a rare sighting of TJ
a man i kinda worry about
the cats meow used, in previous years,
to have very goodlooking waitresses wearing
not every much
thigh and decollette
which always made me, as a heterosexual male, feel
like i feel genetically disposed to notice a
cleavage or
at 50 yards and
seeing there was lots of cleave and thigh etc around
my eyes were always being distracted
which does not make me feel comfortable
so i'm relieved they now wear more

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